ode to the soapbox

tapi citer layar ria astro kat tv sepanjang hari citer sedih2 (aku tengok citer takbir suci).

seriously. tragis tau citer2 melayu akhir2 nih. kalau dah miskin tu, kena pulak caci, kena fitnah, rumah terbakar bagaii.. kena pulak usir dari rumah, kena seret pakai rambut blah blah blah..

kalau buat kat kucing tuh, memang ko dah lama kena report ke SPCA lahh.. or teledera.

tv kat background, hari ni we all buat ketupat daun palas. mak aku laa yg buat, aku tolong lipat daun jek.

ketupat daun palas ni asalnya dari utara. instead of ketupat nasi empat segi yg korang biasa tengok tuh, ketupat palas ni dibuat dari pulut dibungkus dengan daun palas.

keje aku, buka daun palas tuh, lap dengan kain basah, lepas tu lipat bentuk tiga segi.


sebelum isi pulut

lepas mak aku siap tanak pulut separuh masak, aku buka lipatan daun palas tu dan masukkan pulut. lipat balik dan simpul hujungnya.


pukul 1.30am we all buat nih..eeeekk


kukus dan bila dah masak, makan dengan daging dendeng. fuuuuhh.. hidangan wajib tiap2 hari raya.

ketupat nasi dengan kuah sate tu mak aku buat gak, cuma tak anyam laa daun kelapa kan. pakai ketupat segera nona jek. tapi kuah buat sendiri okee. mesti sedap, sebab aku laa yg tolong buang kulit kacang goreng tuh sebelum diblend hehe...

malam pulak orang surau datang bertakbir dari rumah ke rumah. biasa rumah aku they all sampai pukul 10-11pm. biasanya tuan rumah sediakan makanan sikit. mak aku hidang mee hailam, nasi impit ngan cocktail pudding desert.

waa habis gak laa pinggan mangkuk cantik2 sumer keluar hehe.. sekali sekala kann...


kek lapis monica aku pon kluar ahaks!

orang surau datang bertakbir

ok lah esok hari raya. dah pukul 2am nih, baju melayu tak bergosok lagi.. pagi esok harus berebut iron. hujan kat luar, dan kat tv citer p ramlee masam masam manis.

hmm aku tengok kejap lah sampai tidur. at least esok tak yah bangun sahur.


...adie

haha i got this through e-mail and i just have to share it. i'm not sure who to acknowledge but this is pretty cool haha...


Why did the chicken cross the road?


BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MCCAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because it recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......

GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing the road together, in peace.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^( C% .......... reboot.

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE:
Chicken shall not shit while crossing the road. This is for a green environment.

LEE KUAN YEW:
We have installed crossing lights at all traffic junctions. All chickens should follow instructions while crossing the road.

SAMY VELLU:
Gantry points have been set up. All chickens wanting to cross the road are advised to top up their cash cards first.

NAJIB RAZAK:
What chickens? I don't know any chickens... especially those from Mongolia.

ABDULLAH BADAWI:
We have to be fair to all chickens. Some want to cross over the road, some do not. ........ Zzzzzz .......zzzzzz ....... Now what were we talking about? Ah yes, chickens. We will form a Royal Commission to decide whether it is right for them to cross the road.

MAHATHIR:
Now even non-bumi chickens want to cross the road! How can they disrespect and disregard apa nama bumi chickens? We must be allowed to cross over first. It is our special privilege and no one can challenge that!

ANWAR:
We have enough chickens waiting to cross over in September.

SHAHRIR:
All foreign chickens are welcome in Malaysia but they must not cross over the road within 50km of the border.

AHMAD:
These pendatang chickens do not deserve the rights to cross the road. Just like those pendatang chickens in US, they 'chickens' come to eat our road to economy and now want to walk on our political road. We must gather all bumi chickens and suppress the non bumi chickens. May the best chicken wins. I will not apologize to chickens.



..(shared by) adie

2 days to raya and counting..

aku kat KL dah nie, kat rumah parents. semua berkumpul buka puasa sekali malam tadi (except of course, adik laki aku yg study kat new york). bukak puasa ngan family memang best. tambah pulak dengan lauk pauk mak aku.. pendek kata, ceti lalu belakang pon memang haram tak nampak lahh.

alamak tu perumpamaan lama ke? nowadays mana ada ceti ek? orang pakai ah long...

ari ni aku sahur roti bom 2 keping. hehe.. kat singapore tak jumpa okee roti bom. reheat dengan margerin atas kuali bagi garing, lepas tu makan dengan kari dan sambal.. fuuuhhh... tak selera pon jadi selera.

ok.

so apa tugasan raya aku ari nih?

hmm langsir aku tengok dah tukar. tiap2 kali aku balik kl, aku tengok langsir lain. semalam adik ipar aku tanya, ni langsir nak pakai until time wedding adik aku november nih ke? hehe..

activiti membuka dan membersih daun ketupat palas secara tradisinyer dibuat sehari sebelum raya. so itu esok punya kerja.

haa..

tugasan raya aku ari ni cuma pasang lampu lip-lap depan rumah.

actually tak pernah laa we all pasang lampu lip lap time raya kat kl nih, or mana2 time lah. kat singapore jek org selalu pasang. kat singapore, time dekat2 raya ni laa nak kenal flat block mana ada melayu, bila nampak rumah bercahaya2 time dekat2 raya. tapi kat kl kat kawasan perumahan aku ni tak common. kira kalu pasang tuh, glamer sket laa. nanti kalau orang tanya direction, boleh laa jawab.. ala 3 rumah dari rumah yg ada lampu lip lap tuh...

so, dekat tengahari lepas adik laki aku ngan family dia (termasuk anak buah aku yg kiut miut tuh) balik ke shah alam, aku keluar laa carik lampu. beli 2 set, satu panjang 11m(RM13.90) dan satu 9m(RM10.90).

bapak aku suruh gak tukar duit raya kat bank tapi logic laa tiap2 bank dah terpampang depan pintu, 'tukaran wang baru untuk hari raya HABISS'.

cheh typical.

satu aku tak paham mentaliti orang malaysia nie, they all tak nak improve. mindframe dia satu aje. static. macam kat bazaar ramadhan rumah aku. ada satu stall nie jual popiah basah. glamer you, orang beratur ambik nombor beli tau. pukul 3.30pm dah abis. tiap2 tahun macam tuh.

kalau dia ada mindset nak improve, nak kembangkan perniagaan, kenapa dia tak buat extra? buat lebih. at least, sampai boleh jual hingga pukul 5pm. tapi taaaakkk... tiap2 tahun pukul 3.30pm dah abis.

bukan nak rascist laa, tapi aku rasa kalau chinese laa buat popiah tu, tahun kedua dia doublekan production sampai habis jual pukul 5-6pm, kalau still popular, bukak branch. kalau sambutan masih baik, hah bukak franchaise. sebab tu boleh maju.

yg nie? tiap2 tahun jual popiah kat stall ramadhan. sampai ke tua lah macam tuh. sebab tu orang jual nasi lemak favourite aku time mengaji dulu, aku dah besar panjang nie, dia masiiiih lagi jual nasi lemak tempat yg sama.

macam bank2 tu lah. takde mindset nak improve customer service.

hah terbebel plak aku puasa2 nih.

anyway, balik kepada ceritera lampu raya nih. waaa masa pasang lampu tuh, rasa macam dalam iklan raya petronas la pulak. quite tricky gak okee sebab lampu tu nak disambungkan ke power supply kat dalam rumah, so kena julurkan ke luar tingkat atau pintu mengikut kekreativitian aku.

ni rupanya bila dah siap.

alamak.. nampak ke? kena ambik gambar waktu malam laa nih baru nampak jelas.

sambil aku memasang tu, adik pempuan aku buat kuih raya. mak aku seperti biasa cuma jadi supervisor. adik aku dah graduate dah buat2 kuih nie. boleh jual okee..

jual kuih, bukan adik aku. ahaks!




ini doh nyer. nampak professional tak? biskut rice bubble, buat 4 adunan. kuih ni tiap2 tahun adik aku buat. kuih raya wajib laa kiranya. satu lagi biskut chocolate chip tapi adik aku dah buat semalam.




jarang jumpa kat kedai kuih nie. kalau jumpa pon dibuat pakai margarine. tak sedap. kuih raya selalu banyak tepung jek, paling2 pon letak chocolate. cepat muak. biskut rice bubble ni letak cereal rice bubble so lain sket.

alamak, mak aku suruh lenyek pisang ler. sebab adik pempuan aku keluar kejap tadi, boss dia panggil ke ofis sekejap. teruk kan? sebab tu laa aku tak pernah bagi phone number kat boss. sempat aku pesan adik aku beli cendol dan roti bom (again!) kat bazaar ramadhan.

mak aku tengah salai daun pisang kat dapur nih. hmm nak buat lepat pisang laa nih.

so me gotta go. later!



...adie

ok laa..

di kesempatan ini (sambil diselangi stream lagu raya saloma) saya ingin menyusun sepuluh batang jari tangan dan kaki, mengucapkan..

selamat hari raya aidilfitri
maaf zahir dan batin

kepada semua muslimin dan muslimat, yg di kota, di desa, di FI circuit mahupun di perantauan puncak gunung takao...

..dengan ucapan ingatilah mereka yg kurang bernasib baik di kala gumbira, berhati-hati di jalan raya, dan pakailah tali pinggang keledar di belakang..

anda mampu mengubahnyer.



...adie

ok don't panic, don't panic.

24hrs to go before the mission to kuala lumpur.

time for last minute check-outs. everything must be covered. all stones should not be left unturned. zero miss tolerated.



checklist for today

1100hrs
go to the bank in smart black suits, complete with latest design wide black non-see-through rayban and hair gelled neatly. limousine drop-off preferred, right in front of bank main entrance. don't forget the briefcase.

1130hrs
make the withdrawal. few millions dollars should cover the green packets money.

1140hrs
still counting money and arrange them neatly inside the briefcase.

1200hrs
ok the briefcase overflows. stack the remnant notes inside double-layered NTUC plastic bags which i happen to be carrying my carton of soya bean milk for healthy morning snack.

1215hrs
leave the scene. speed through the highways towards the east. make sure not being followed. if there is any helicopter trailing, make use of the new underground KPE tunnel.

1300hrs
expected to be at tampines courts. ok we need to find the item fast and efficient before the clock with big red numbers countdown ticks off. should swarm in with bullet proof SWAT jacket together with other team members. some should drop in from the ceiling using ropes. lights dimmed. let the search begins.

1321hrs
ok cannot find what we seek for. time to just ask the customer service or the electronic section salesman where to find creative 2G mp3 player. my brother in kuala lumpur requested this device and i am not leaving till i get one.

1340hrs
make the exchange deal. this should happened in the big unloading bay with both parties team members watching closely from afar. i give money, they give me the requested gadget. beware of any miscue.

1400hrs
limousine pick-up in front of the building. heads to simei eastpoint for an important appointment.

1430hrs
discussion in the hair salon on the 5th floor. the agent is an undercover hairdresser. i should pretend to do my hair while he surrepticiously whisper further instructions for my mission. do not take any drinks or foods offered as they may be contaminated.

1700hrs
make over complete for the upcoming undercover mission in kuala lumpur and rembau negeri sembilan. this look should go with all new clothes prepared for this event. nothing unmatched that could raise suspicion.

1730hrs
speed through the pan island expressway heading to orphanage house to ermm.. do some good deeds. this act should be left unnoticed. make sure to wipe all the fingerprints clean and most importantly, no paparazzi shot should take place. capture and erase etheir memory if needed.

1830hrs
head back to the home base. final review of kuala lumpur mission plan. make sure all bring-along devices and gadgets are intact in the luggage. get the passport ready.

2100hrs
confirm departure time. communicate with kuala lumpur base about arrival time. this conversation should be brief and quick in case anybody is tapping this conversation and track our locations. remember to use the secret code identification.

end the conversation with,
"SEE YOU SOON FOR HARI RAYA, MUM"


that should cover it.

may the force be with us.



... adie signing off.

haaa... sumer orang cakap pasal F1 sekarang nih. and by 'sumer orang' aku maksudkan nora dan those DJs in 91.3 FM.

aku tak pernah laa minat F1 nih. kalau aku rank sports yg best dari no-1 ke no-last (merangkap kebosanan ya amat), F1 race ni nombor second last.

last one of course laa.. golf. which is sukan orang tua middle age okee. kalau ko tengok golf, most probably ko ni dah kawin, anak 2-3, umur dalam 40 gituh. prime age laa nak start having scandal with young female caddies.

anyway, F1 ni second last. setakat tengok kereta pusing2 lap 1000000 kali apa bestnyer? bukan aku dapat tengok saper yg kat dalam pon. kalau they all letak robot ker, britney spears dalam kereta tu pon nobody knows.

kalau ko tengok live kat tepi track, kereta tu ada laa lalu 2 saat lepas tu hilang. kalau nak tengok lama sket, haa ko harap2 laa ada eksiden ke hapa.. kereta abis minyak ke, takleh start ke, tayar pancit ke.. or letak lembu melintas.

ari tu masa drive gi keje, aku dengar 91.3 FM. 91.3 FM ni selalu ada sessi panggilan telefon, korang jawab soalan nanti dapat laa hadiah2 bagaii. so this time ada panggilan telefon, and DJ tu kata soalan kali ni senang sesangat laa. sumer orang mesti tau nih..

soalannyer?

which team does lewis hamilton race for?

errr...

aku tak tau okee. ferrari? toyota? proton ke? perodua...

in fact, actually aku tau lewis hamilton ni pon sebab masa aku tengok tennis kat sports channel, dia selalu keluar iklan. muka lewis hamilton ni akan terpampanglah kat screen tv 42 inchi aku tuh dan berkata, 'i'm lewis hamilton and you're watching the star sports'. lebih kurang camtu laa...

yg aku tau, F1 ni mengucar kacirkan jalan2 kat kota singa nih. byk nor jalan totop sana sini. nasib baik jek aku tak lalu CBD area kann.. dan takde reason nak gi marina bay or suntec city.

anyway...

ari ni last day work sebelum cuti raya.

yesssss!!!

time lewis hamilton racing nanti aku harus laa berada dalam bas ekspres, yg most probably pemandunyer akan racing ke KL.

berF1-F1 laa korang, yang aku tau aku nak main lagu sudirman.. balik kampooooooooongg.. ho ho ho balik kampoooongg....

*dengan nada jeless



...adie

or dalam bahasa jawa nyer - the final countdown.

waa lagi dua tiga ari jek before aku balik cuti raya ke KL. member2 opis asyik kata, another week.. another week right.. hmm they all mesti missed aku kat lunch table haha.. yelah, aku ni penghangat suasana dengan gossip2 semasa...

ok few things to do before that.


1) exchange duit

pagi ni aku bukak pc, terpampang kat my vista screen on the left

SGD 1.000
MYR 2.405

cheh dah turun ker? baru few days ago MYR 2.427. kalau aku exchange 1 million dollars, tu dah rugi RM22 ribu. banyak kan? buleh buat downpayment kereta sebijik.

...except kalau aku bawak balik 1 million dollars untuk raya, chances are aku tak pakai kereta murah2 laa.. maybe instead, naik private jet balik rembau.

anyway, aku kena tukar duit untuk duit raya by tomorrow. tak kisah laa ada cousin perli2 nak singapore dollars ke apa ker, kita rakyat malaysia, cintai malaysia, so hah cintai lah ringgit malaysia..


2) bayar zakat fitrah

yg ni kalau tak bayar, nanti last minute mesti beratur nak bayar sebelum sembahyang raya. tak ke lece.. lagi pon lagi afdhal kita bayar kat tempat kita duduk kan. even though ni singapore, ada jugak orang miskin terbiar kat sini.

macam rumah anak yatim darul ma'wa tempat aku bayar zakat last year, bangunan and facilities dia very the simple. ramai pulak budak2 kat situ so they definitely need our care lahh...

last year they all bagi aku sebalang kuih raya dengan sebungkus kari powder lepas aku bayar zakat. aku terperplex. aku nak ambik pon serba salah. yelah..karang termakan harta anak yatim saper yg susah?

tapi aku terima jek. tak sopan laa kan nak tolak. agaknya ada org derma berlori-lori kuih raya tak termakan kot.

aku dengar dari member keje kat malaysia, kadar zakat lain2 ikut negeri. kadar zakat kat selangor yg termurah dalam m'sia.. RM5.20 jek... penang RM7.30, terengganu sampai RM8.00. makin miskin negeri tu, makin mahal ke zakat fitrah nye?

apsal ek? hmm agaknyer sebab negeri miskin banyak org miskin, so banyak lagi ler duit zakat yg diperlukan, so mahal kot.

tapi kan.. bukan jumlah zakat tu bergantung pada harga beras yg kita makan ker?

ntah laa.. janji harga zakat kat simei, toa payoh dan woodlands samer jek ahaks!


3) visit my hair dresser.

hmm.. apa pesen aku nak buat raya ni? punk? rock? nerds? hehe.. saja jer laa kan. sebab raya ni nak ambik banyak gambar, and everybody knows gambar tu kekal ke akhir hayat.

tengok macam gambar dalam buku teks sejarah sekolah rendah, gambar temenggung jugah anak barieng. aku expect dia pegi set rambut sebelum ambik gambar tuh. terus famous sampai sekarang.

maybe kita lupa tarikh, lupa insiden2 sejarah sumer, tapi gambar dan nama tu kita still ingat kan? that just shows, how powerful and long-lasting impression our image could create.

alasan...

anyway, tu jer laa aku punya main to do list...


yg lain2, ermm nak kena packing.. nak figure out how to bring kek lapis legit monica moschovitz, kek lapis sarawak, keropok udang dan ketam pulau aur, kerepek pedas batam, hadiah2 kecik for my latest nephew, etc etc inside my bag nak harung bawak naik bas balik kl.

but before all that, now nak kena tido.. sebab esok pagi nak carik kayuuuuu nak carik kayuuu... heh heh..



...adie